How to Forgive Yourself – Transforming a Lifetime of Freedom
How frequently have you heard the statement “I’ll never be able to forgive myself for what I have done?” Maybe you are even guilty of making that statement yourself. Forgiveness could be a terribly hard thing to offer another who has damaged or hurt us, but forgiving ourselves looks to be even harder. There seems to be an inclination to hold ourselves much more accountable than we hold others for the same offense.
Why is that? 1 reason is pride. While that may appear to be a contradiction, it’s really not. Whenever we enforce a different set of rules, or enact a higher set of standards for ourselves over others, that’s pride. When we can find it inside our self to forgive others, though not ourselves, what we are in effect pronouncing is that we are less capable of making a poor decision than others. We are saying that we believe our self to be more discerning, sensible, more judicious and more careful than others, and we have no excuse for doing what we probably did and should not pardon ourselves. When God Himself, offers to excuse the sins of all who seek His forgiveness but we refuse to forgive ourselves, we are setting ourselves above others and that, is pride.
So how does one forgive one’s self? Simple, exactly they would forgive somebody else. The principles are the same.
First, one must find the forgiveness of God for all sin finally is against Him. King David reminded us of that when he sought forgiveness for sleeping with a married woman. He then compounded his wrong when he had her hubby removed from the picture by ordering him to the front lines of battle where he knew he’d be killed. In Psalm 51:3&4, he cries out to God and says, “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you and you only I have sinned and done what is evil in your sight.”
God is prepared and waiting to pardon your sin and then, He promises to remember it no more.
I John 1:9 “If we confess our sin, He is dependable and just to pardon us our sin and to clean us from all unrighteousness.”
The next step is to recollect that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. In the same way you must opt to pardon someone, (not just try and feel better about them or what they actually did) you must choose to forgive yourself.
Next, it is exceedingly important to remember that forgiveness doesn’t imply excusing the action “for someone else, or yourself. That is what so powerful about forgiveness. It’s selecting to excuse in spite of the wrong or terrible thing done to or by you. It also means not dwelling on it any more or bringing it up again in any further conversation, either with others, or yourself.
When true forgiveness occurs, it involves taking pity on that person and spotting that they require grace as much as you do. Forgiving yourself means taking pity on yourself, as much as you would anyone else. Together with that, goes spotting and acknowledging your need for grace. Don’t be tough on yourself. You are a person with weakness and failings and a great capacity for making error. Accept responsibility for the wrong you’ve done, receive God’s forgiveness and then extend that hand of mercy to your-self.
If, your Heavenly Father in all His greatness and power readily extends forgiveness to you when you ask, who are you not to discover how to forgive yourself?
Burton Rager author of “Living Life Set Free” and “God’s Answer?” Click to learn more about Forgiving Yourself and receive a complimentary copy of “God’s Answer?” To warch a video go to How To Forgive Yourself